Look, we all want to be the cake Alex Rodriguez gave Jennifer Lopez on her 50th birthday last week – a gigantic, ten-story, black-and-gold tower full of flowers and sparklers on which "Jennifer" stood up and was taken by worn four men in suits for their extravagant birthday party in Miami. We'd even be content to be the cake that Jennifer Lopez donated to Alex Rodriguez for her forty-second birthday a few days later – a four-piece Yankees-themed cake wrapped in a sugar-sweet "Rodriguez" jersey and in the " Alex "was written crystals above.
But sometimes we falter. Sometimes we just do not have the mental or emotional bandwidth to go beyond. Sometimes it's the cake Jennifer Lopez aired on Alex Rodriguez during a Yankees Red Sox game . Happy Birthday "in decentered green glaze.
"This is for the ESPN family because we have already given you one," says Lopez When Rodriguez is brought by his daughters, it sounds like a sigh.
"The whole summer was a big cake," says Rodriguez to his staff, a phrase that also aptly describes my perfect summer.  J-Lo snuck onto the set to surprise A-Rod with a birthday cake 1945 pic.twitter.com/sxay2Ygygs
– ESPN (@espn) July 29, 2019
There is nothing wrong with a cake in the supermarket, just as we can not fault it if we do not have the energy to be a human ten-step birthday cake. Grocery sheet cake is made of frosting that is softer than silk, and cake lighter than clouds, and although you feel your teeth screaming as they dissolve in the dangerously high concentrations of high fructose corn syrup, you are happy if you eat it.
But this cake looks pretty disappointed. It knows that it could have made a better presentation; All it took was more decorations, maybe flowers or balloons, or even just a larger, less green font. It could have been more on any other day, but not on that day. On that day, all it could say was "Happy Birthday" on a withered plane. That's okay. We all have a shortage sometimes. And you know what? People still enjoyed it.