Dear Amy, Help! I have three adult children, including two doctors.
The last two meetings became ugly when my son quarreled with my daughter. He can not let go of small things and tends to question the behavior of others (he is a psychologist). He always thinks the other person is wrong and he is right.
We can not spread this, and it transmits by SMS to the next day. My husband and I are caught in the middle.
I am at the end of my mind and must clarify the last argument.
The argument before lasted four months.
This is so hurtful, and I lose sleep. HELP!
Dear Mother: You DO NOT have to resolve the last argument.
According to your description, your son seems to be a dominant tyrant. How did he come this way? Perhaps there is evidence of how you have educated, tolerated and even empowered him. It's something to think about and possibly own.
I suspect that your own commitment, concern and concern about his behavior and the relationship of the siblings make you a passive and annoying witness. Take back your own power.
You have the right and the responsibility to set and enforce basic limits on how you behave in your home. It is your home. Her adult descendants do not argue about teenagers, but about guests.
Your son's beliefs do not matter as long as he sits at your table. It depends on his behavior.
These two siblings can forever be an oil-water mixture. You will both have to learn that while you are at home, apart from disagreements about the garden variety, a certain vile behavior will not be tolerated.
You and your husband should end all quarrels with text messages.
You should also prepare yourself to respond to the next personal breakout.
I simply suggest: "No. We do not do that, please stop" without any further personal commitment. Otherwise, you should treat your problem as you would with any other martial intruder and ask him either to go – or you go.
It is his turn to think about his behavior and to lose sleep. As a psychologist, he should have the insight and the tools to change.
Dear Amy: How do you move forward when your life has largely regretted and disappointed?
I'm facing a groundbreaking birthday and was thinking about my life. I do not feel like celebrating much.
I feel loved but not supported by my family, and I'm worried about them all the time. I work hard and are respected, but I am not fulfilled in my career. Over the years, I've consulted alone and with my partner more than once. There is nowhere.
I know that I am depressed. Medication helps but does not solve the problems of life. I am happy and smile and hardly anyone really knows my inner feelings. I have wonderful friends, I volunteer, do sports and enjoy some activities, but I'm not happy.
I'm tired of trying so hard without real satisfaction. Where do I go from here?
– stuck and tired
Dear stalled: Medication can make your depression symptoms manageable, but no medication can solve the problems of life.
Sometimes you can not solve the problems of life. either. The trick is to learn how to handle events, problems, and feelings as they arise. I think of this as "sitting in my discomfort" and understand that life as a whole is difficult, but challenges (sometimes) can ultimately bring special meaning and insight. And sometimes life just seems to crake, and just reading poems, roaming a garden center, or watching some episodes of my favorite comedy will shake me up. This is a basic self-medication.
I do not think you should always make a smile in your day. When you open up to others, you can feel more connected. You have what it takes to be a philosopher because you are staring into the existential emptiness – and you feel it. Ultimately, this could be your biggest gift.
Dear Amy: "Disgusting" complained about a grandmother telling her granddaughter in college that she should not be raped or become pregnant.
That sounds like an obvious and great piece of advice.
Hopefully the girl remembers the advice of her grief and pay attention to him!
Dear Dennis, I am publishing this answer as an example of many similar responses I have received "To tell a girl that it should not be raped" is an acceptable way of expressing concern.
We still have much to do.
(You can contact Amy Dickinson by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.) Readers can send a mail to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" them on Facebook.)