Dear Amy, My husband died of melanoma a few years ago. He was 26.
Before his death, he was ill for three years and fought against this malignant cancer.
Although I was a bit prepared for his death, I was in total shock and could not work Alone planning a funeral.
My husband was so anxious to get better that he did not talk about the possibility of dying.
I wanted a simple funeral and cremation. His mother and stepmother did not hear about it and "took care" of the funeral arrangements in a local funeral home.
When I received the bill, they totaled over $ 20,000!
Amy, my husband and I were married together for seven years, but only six months. (We decided to escape when his cancer returned.)
I asked his mothers if they knew that the funeral they chose would cost so much, and they both replied that these costs were not their priority.
In the same conversation, they both said they could not afford to help pay.
As tricky as that is, in fact I feel they are so ruthless when they know we're a young couple and I've been on medical bills.
It's very hard to maintain a relationship, knowing that they left me with that extra stress.
What do you think?
Young Widow in NY 1
I can fully understand the decision of the deceased husband's two mothers to allow him the funeral of their dreams, but then to burden you with the burden of paying the bill they have accumulated is beyond the pale 59002] The first thing you should do is carefully review the allegations from the funeral home. The cost of serving your deceased husband was well over twice the cost of an average burial. In my opinion, this amount is suspiciously high.
Thereafter, you should try to rationally investigate your options, including reducing some of these charges by persuading / pressurizing your deceased husband's mothers to share the costs and, as a last resort, possibly filing for bankruptcy ,
All these options affect your relationship with these women, but your relationship has already been compromised when they violated your wishes and then held you with the tab.
I hope you can gradually break away from it, to mourn, to heal and to move forward.
Dear Amy, My husband and I recently moved to a community over 55.
My husband is not very social. I've found it's not easy to make new friends now that I'm older.
I'm not a drinker and I do not go to bars.
It seems like it's a repetition of high school days with exclusive cliques have formed.
Do you have suggestions on where else can I make new friends?
55 and older "means that you are guaranteed to meet people in your age group. This is in my opinion also the disadvantage.
One reason why high school can be such a social minefield is the lack of diversity. I am referring here not only to the racial and economic diversity, but – essentially – to the age diversity.
My theory is that when hundreds of people of the same age and stage are in a closed social system, they adopt a kind of "law of the jungle". People form groups and then cling to them. Every newcomer is considered an outsider.
I can well imagine how difficult it is to integrate into this kind of community, especially because you are married to a man who does not want to be a couple in your social life. You fly alone, but without the benefits of being single.
Start your search for friends in the library. Libraries have recently become thriving centers of community. As a volunteer, you would not only meet other volunteers and staff, but you would meet with a wide range of people – from children to the elderly. This would occupy you physically and intellectually.
Dear Amy, "Undecided" wrestled with the eternal dilemma of choosing between career and children. She felt pressured by friends and family to choose children.
I never want to live in a world where people have children for other people.
Fanada in Canada
Dear Fanada: Well said. Many Thanks.