LOVE AMY: Curt and I have been friends for about 15 years. I admire him as a great volunteer for a group we both belong to. He has a somewhat challenging personality (he may be self-centered and too talkative), but he is a nice guy and a good friend.
I recently met his wife for the first time. My problem is that when the woman found out that I knew "Curt," she wasted no time in getting a shame on him. She quoted chapters and verses with examples, what a terrible guy he is and how much she hates him.
At the moment I tried not to register my shock (remember I just met her). Maybe she just had to trust another woman and would have done that to any other woman.
My dilemma is how to proceed. I almost feel obliged to tell Curt what his wife said so he can save his marriage if he wants. (Yes, it was so bad.) But I also wonder if it would be more embarrassing than helpful to hear this from me.
Curt can not notice other people so much that he may not even be aware of it. My other option is to leave well enough, but that feels like betrayal. What if they got a divorce and I could have done something to stop it? What do you advise?
LOVE KNOWLEDGE TOO MUCH: Curt & # 39; s wife certainly would not have had a detailed discussion of his awfulness at her first meeting.
But – just as she should not confide in you, you should not try to help Curt "save his marriage if he wants."
Of course, you have absolutely no idea, but it's possible that Curt is not really the nice guy you think he is – for his wife anyway. Many people are comfortable in a duality – showing one side of their character and personality at home and another side in the world that is opposite in polarity.
Are you so insightful that you know how that person behaves in their other relationships?  Either Curt is awful or his wife is terrible. Since your relationship with him seems to be limited to the volunteering that you have shared, I suggest that you suspend your judgment on either.
DEAR AMY: Our 18-year-old son is nearing graduation high school, and he is relentless that he DOES NOT want a graduation party.
He hates small talk, does not like being the center of attention, and has some social anxiety, so that my wife and I understand his decision.  We have a large extended family, and some of them ask us to "override" our son and hold a graduation party.
We want to fulfill our son's wish and frankly do not have the strength to endure a furious teenager for a few weeks while we clean the house, shop and cook for the party – something our son does not want.
How can we "announce" that he graduates without inviting? all to the actual conclusion (attendance is limited by the high scho ol only for the immediate family) and without graduation ceremony?
At the same time, an announcement should not look like a call for donation, as this is not our intention. We just want to let our extended family and friends know that our son is just graduating.
LOVE WORN OUT: If your son did not want a party, but you did, it would be a different matter; But in your opinion, you also do not want to host a party.
You should assume that your friends and family already know that your son is just finishing high school. According to you, some of these family members have already tried to override their son's preferences and have a party.
You should do what you and your son agree on. Then you can stay private, post your congratulations on social media, send a group email, or send printed announcements. You can not control how people interpret it.
LOVE AMY: I refer to the letter of "disgusting" in reference to a grandmother admonishing her granddaughter: "Do not be raped.
This type of inappropriate outbreak may signal the onset of dementia. Granny should be checked out.
Readers with radar
LOVE READER: According to "Disgust," grandma has a long one and famous story of the Lippe shooting.
You can contact Amy Dickinson by email at [email protected] Readers can mail them to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also contact her follow @askingamy on Twitter or "like" them on Facebook.