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Ask Amy: My sister claims the grievances of her fiancée were misunderstandings Relationships



Dear Amy: My sister has met Bob for 18 months. After about six months, Bob began to show strange behavior in public, for example, he asked my father if he would get his way or if he would get one of his cars.

This prompted some family members (including myself) to investigate this man's story. We found out that he lied about his profession, was arrested, but was not convicted of rape in college (the girl would not testify), and was involved in a private high school scandal in which he ceased to possess child pornography My wife and I left our little daughter with my sister and him hanging, but since then we obviously have not made any more visits.

We told my sister what We learned to do so, and despite the information, she decided to believe that it was all just a misunderstanding, and of course her right to make that choice.

Since that confrontation, other family members have had problems with this man, including once when he made sexual comments to a family member.

He and my sister are getting married now Ms. and I would prefer not to attend the wedding and do not want our daughter to be involved. It has led to considerable drama in our family because my parents want us to take care of my sister.

I think she makes a mistake in marrying this man. She can do whatever she wants, but I just do not think we have to be here to testify.

What would you do?

Worried Brother

Dear Worried: In general, I believe in holding my nose and attending weddings to support the family member whose unfortunate verdict is family solidarity and / or intervention on the road.

However, what you have learned About this guy I can understand why you want to avoid this event. If so, you should be straightforward with your sister: "Unfortunately, because of serious concerns about the history and character of Bob, we do not have the opportunity to support your decision to marry him. Participation in the wedding would be hypocritical for us, and we regret that we will not be there. "

When you attend the wedding, you should definitely find something else for your daughter on that day. You should not put them in the way of this man under any circumstances.

Dear Amy: I am the eldest of my siblings. We all have the same mother, but different fathers.

Last night, when I was combing through Facebook, I was reminded of how they only call, get around, and / or trap me when they want something.

I came to wonder why this dynamic exists. I also wondered what you would think about it.

These questions crossed my mind: What does family mean to these people?

Why do family members just call or involve me if they just want something from me? Should I call her family? Or should I call her something else ̵

1; or name nothing? And how should I react to their behavior? What is the right way to handle it?

Odd Member Out

Dear Out: If you are the eldest of your siblings, all of whom have different fathers, this is likely to make your domestic life a challenge or a mess could have been.

As the eldest, your siblings can see you as a parental figure; someone you can turn to if you want or need something.

If you have a significant age difference and the fathers and mother are unavailable or malfunctioning, you would be perceived as a sturdy, sturdy lifeline for your sibling group.

None of this seems to be particularly fair to you because you want to be siblings – not parents.

I hope you find a way to talk with all your siblings Loving and honest way. The chaotic, complicated family dynamics can change very slowly. But it may change, and I hope you will. I hope it will.

Dear Amy: "Furious" described her decision not to attend her nephew's wedding because her adult children had not been invited.

Thank you for proclaiming your pettiness. Parents should not be so involved in the lives of their adult children that they are proactively insulted and inflate every last inch Adult children is that it is no longer necessary to fight every fight for them.

askamy@amydickinson.com


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