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Ask Amy: The friend says that "nothing good can come of it" when talking about who he spent his birthday with

Dear Amy, my friend and I have been together for four months.

Despite his affection and his zest to see me frequently, I knew that he still saw other people.

His birthday was about five or six weeks after we met – about 10 appointments in our relationship.

Instead of being with me, he went away with some friends for a weekend. When he returned, he wanted to visit me exclusively.

We moved in a few weeks ago. Last weekend, I casually asked about his birthday weekend.

Now that we're together, I was hoping he would tell me who he was with. He was very open to his previous relationships before we met. But he refused to talk about it. He said that nothing good could come from me if I knew.

I tried to explain to him that it was better for me to know the truth and keep going than to wonder.

It is quite obvious that he went with another woman. Now I can not seem to let it go.

I'm sorry he did not want to spend his birthday with me. I'm worried that there's someone else with whom he has enough to spend his birthday just before we get serious.

I love him and our relationship is otherwise healthy. Am I wrong to get hurt and question things? If so, how do I let it go?


1; Ruminating in DC

Love ruminating: This relationship seems to have evolved at warp speed, do not make it so banana now.

The first thing you should do is to make sure your STD tests are up to date.

It seems logical that he was with another woman – probably for a previously planned special weekend / birthday trip that turned into a final hurray / separation weekend – possibly with someone he met after they both started had to make an appointment. You do not feel hurt. You become curious.

Your friend seems to be in the driver's seat of your relationship. If he does not want to reveal or discuss this and you do not want to move out, I agree with him that you should find a way to move on.

Dear Amy: My husband and I are single-parent parents. We love to travel together as a family.

My husband and I also realize that when he gets older, our son occasionally wants to invite a friend.

We are comfortable with this idea. But some questions about proper financial etiquette are raised in such a situation.

If we invite a buddy, how much (if any) should we ask the guest (or more likely his parents) to pay for it?

We would feel very uncomfortable if we asked the guest to cover the shared costs (hotel, petrol, groceries etc.), but what about attractions, major meals or even airfare tickets? We would hate to offend someone by misunderstanding this, but we do not have a barometer.

– Wanderlust

Liebes Wanderlust: If you invite another child on holiday with you, this child is your guest and you should pay for the child. These include transportation, accommodation, meals, attraction tickets, etc. The child should only be expected to bring "pocket money" for extras.

Often, parents will respond to your generosity by offering (or insisting) some expense. Then you can answer, "If you want to pay for Timmy's flight, that would be helpful, otherwise he will be our guest."

Grateful and thoughtful parents who can afford it often give extra money to the child Give your family an attraction or a dinner as a reward and a thank-you.

You may also find other ways to retaliate; B. Invite your son on one of their holidays.

Do not extend this invitation, unless you are ready to happily pay for it.

Dear Amy: In relation to older people who get dogs three days before the age of 80, I have adopted a 7 year old dog. The best I've ever done – for both of us.

That was over four years ago, and yes, I worry about what would happen if she survived, but our two lives have been enriched. I still work two days a week at the nursing home office and she comes to work with me and puts a smile on many faces that everyone loves.

– Patricia

Dear Patricia, you are my hero.

(You can email Amy Dickinson to askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.) [19659032]
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