LOVE AMY: Twenty-one years ago, I met my best friend. After high school, we lost contact and found ourselves about 1
Then we had an argument and in the midst of the dispute she insulted my ability in relation to my passion. It was like a stab in the heart. It was so devastating that I questioned all the advances I've made in recent years.
I can not seem to forget it, though she admitted that she only said it to hurt me. We have since patched our friendship. She thinks everything is fine now and I can not tell her that I really did not get over it.
I feel like I can not talk to her about my passion anymore, and it's a HUGE part of my life. What now?
DEAR DEVASTATED: Your girlfriend wrongly insulted you – just because she wanted to hurt you? Who does that? This is not how beasties behave. Friends say unfriendly things to each other and sometimes hurt each other, but to insult you just to hurt you?
It's natural to expect your friend to continue as if nothing had happened. To admit this and to apologize, she would have to reflect on the true consequence of her hurtful remark, which shakes the foundation of your trust.
You should put this up for discussion and give her the opportunity to apologize for her rudeness and apologize. Your apology and forgiveness will reopen you.
Dear Amy, I moved to a new state for my husband's job a few months ago.
I was lucky enough to find a job in my field, but I am unhappy at work (both because of the job itself and because of the people I work with) and it bleeds into our privacy.
I know that you should explore a new city and find exciting things to do, but nothing interests me enough to cope with the traffic and the crowd. I try to join groups to meet people, but so far no luck.
I can not stop believing that the best part of my life is already over and that it is going downhill. I used behavioral medicine in my doctor's office, but she only recommended meditation, and that does not help.
My husband is trying to provide support, but he sees this new city as "objectively better" than the previous one and keeps reminding me that other people would be happy to be here and have my job.
How long should I try to withhold this from my husband before pulling the plug and looking for work elsewhere? He does not want to move again, but said he'll do it if I can not be happy here.
Unfortunately new in town
DEAR UNHAPPILY: You mention "pull the plug and look elsewhere for jobs," but it seems most logical that you begin your change efforts by pulling the plug and where to looking for a new job you are.
It's extremely difficult to acquire a new place and people if you miserably go to work for about 40 hours a week.
Meditation can certainly help you deal with stress, but it does not help you to solve your problem of happiness.
And your husband's reaction to you, "Others would be glad to be here and have your job," is not particularly helpful – in fact, you feel like being an idiot for statements like this.
If you've found a job that you like more, staffed with people like you said, you'd better integrate into your city.
In the meantime, you would benefit from a meeting with a therapist. Global unhappiness, as you experience it, is often more than what is on the surface. And talking all this to a neutral professional could help you plan realistic next steps.
DEAR AMY: "Undecided" loved her career, but felt pressured to have children. I wanted to share my experiences.
My husband and I decided not to have children and have never looked back. We had wonderful careers and traveled the world together. We feel we have contributed a lot to society without adding children.
DEAR CHILDREN TREE: "Childless" people used to be called "childless". This appropriate change in terminology reflects the experience of many.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.