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Fire Emblem: Three houses let me get in touch with my teenage years in the worst imaginable way



Last night I have exactly one hour Fire Emblem: Three houses completed in five hours of playtime. During this long period of time, I tried to get a green-haired girl to believe that I could legitimately be a ghost. I was briefly introduced to a cast of incredibly handsome heroes and beat up a few bandits. My finger hovers over the switch's power switch should any of them fall in combat (yes, I'm one of those, and no, I'll never change). That took 60 minutes. The remaining four hours I spent with paralyzed eyes.

Fire Emblem: Three houses force you to make a big decision early on. The title houses need your support, but you can only put your time, energy and attention into one of them. So you need to make a critical decision that will undoubtedly affect the entire imminent experience as there is very little information available to assist you in your decision. My fear increases as I weigh the risk and reward of turning to the Internet for answers: the risk of ruining a whole way of the game because Reddit and Twitter can not keep the spoilers in their pants; the reward of moving away from that damned screen and playing the rest of a game I was otherwise upset about. I'm already stuck in Fire Emblem: Three Houses, and I already know that this will all end in tears.

Indecision tarnishes my vision.

  I had to look at this screen for a really awkward time

I was stuck on this screen for a really awkward time.

(credits: Nintendo) have always ̵

1; for better or for worse – seen as a true reflection of my character: "Indecision tarnishes my vision". It's a great line, and all you have to do is imagine the specific vocal bow that Maestro Mike Patton puts on it for the full effect. I know, I'm getting off topic. I'm trying to tell you that I was always grossly undecided. Over the years, video games have exacerbated this incredibly.

During the World of Warcraft episode, I was so capable of going through alliance start-ups at record speed that I almost convinced myself, at a young age, that there is no game beyond level 20 that is an eternal hostage Lion's Pride Inn of Goldshire; a flower child of Elwynn Forest; and a true friend of the goblin. In the end, I led a human magician for 10 years. Not because I wanted to, but because it was the first character I ever created in the game, and because trying to roll something else after the release of Wrath of the Lich King would have invited a chaotic evil into my life I could not control. Video games have a real problem with asking too much of you too soon, and I can not handle that.

You see the guy who routinely launched a new rescue for Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic during the twelve months of 2003 and was fixated on the class selection screen for a few hours. Decide, go to the Undercity of Tarris filled with regret and finally forced to start the game over again. It took me five years to finish this damned game, and I'm still not convinced that I ever really chose Soldier, Scout, and Scoundrel.

"Video games have a real problem with asking too much of you too soon, and I can not handle it."

The same goes for The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion, as they have to pick a race and a birth sign and class, while Patrick Stewart, disfigured by the early advances of the HD era, chattered you about nobility five minutes into the game way too much for me to cope with. Then there's Fallout 3, and I'm at the front, sitting down for the S.P.E.C.I.A.L. Education system and career choice ban – that's far too much pressure to kick a young safe child on the shoulders. Oh, and do not even get me started on the Telltale games. "Clementine will remember," oh, will she do it now? Just put a gun on my damn head.

All kinds of video games are ruined, and all because I tend to tarnish my vision of indecision. And here's Fire Emblem: Three Houses, a game that asks me to be loyal to one of the three flags as soon as I realize they even exist. This is not explicitly stated, but I only know that this affects everything from available unit types to potential relationships, to the way that entire action paths are framed and unfolded during the adventure. It's never clear to me why in a 60-hour role-playing game you're asked to set the direction of the experience in just 60 minutes.

Caught in a cycle

  Yes, I know, dude! I have said that all the time.

Yes, I know, dude! I have said that all the time.

[Picture credits: Nintendo]

So here I am, with the Fire Emblem: Three houses on one screen and a big decision to make. Am I hanging out with the chill stoners, funny, but ultimately reckless? I roll with the nerds, kind and boring somehow; or I sneak into the shadows with the gothics, mysterious with a shadow of attractive presumption. I can not make that decision. I could not do it when I was 14 years old and desperately split my time between the fringes of three groups of friends IRL – let me say, my long hair, the sarcastic attitude, those with dark clothes, those with bags of bolder I did not manage to be 29 years old, as I am forced to join one of three virtual groups of friends I have not really got to know yet.

Right now I'm doing what I always do: choose the group with the best looking hair (the Goths of course), change my mind immediately and keep my fingers crossed, after which I will not grab the reset button tomorrow ( spoiler alert: I will). Friends, Fire Emblem: Three Houses looks damned unbelievable, but if you commit the main sin of so many RPGs – because you have to make big commitments too early in the relationship – I know I'll be back on the ground soon. I wonder if I made a massive mistake before stumbling back into the starting block to do it all over again.

Still, it can not be worse than some of the indiscretions that I've committed in the past due to indecision, landing in a cycle of ever-new fire emblems. You know, like back then, I was convinced that it was close to anything to come to a house party, attended by a few Goth kids with white dreadlocks, cherry-red. Martens boots, an Iron Maiden T-shirt and a colorful cardigan were a good idea. Man, thank you, that the gentlemen have not heard about it, right?


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