I see a new dinosaur movie, another in the long series of "Jurassic" films – "Jurassic Park," "Jurassic World," "Jurassic Oceanfront Resort, Luxury Condos Off the $ 300Ks," etc.
Since I've been a dinosaur fan for a long time, I wanted to know more, so I managed to get an interview with my favorite movie star: everyone's favorite dinosaur, Tyrannosaurus rex!
Hello, Mr. Rex, I said when I came on the phone. How are you today?
"Pretty good," he answered. "Just hang out by the pool, read the reviews, they're always the same, too much about the special effects, not enough about my acting."
Thank you, sir, for giving me this interview.
"I tell you the truth, the studio had to persuade me, I do not really feel comfortable with you humans."
Really? Why not?
"Over the years, the humiliations you have subjected us to small injections, dig up our skeletons and put them in museums, propped up our bony self on our hind legs as if we were something out of a horror movie Do you like when someone has put up your grandfather's skeleton so people can stare at him?
No offense, we are really very fond of you dinosaurs.
"I've always guessed you smiled at us and thought : "You are extinct and we are not, Nyahh, Nyahh."
Absolutely not. We look forward to seeing you on the screen now. Wow, a living Tyrannosaurus Rex!
"That's another thing, what about this & # 39; Tyrannosaurus & # 39; stuff? I hate that name, it makes me sound like that, sure, I made some enemies when I was the king of the dinosaurs It's lonely at the top of the food chain, but "Tyrant" is a bit much, call me with my real name. "
Tyrannosaurus is not your real name?
"Of course not, which mother would call her son 'Tyrannosaurus'?"
OK, what's that?
Reginald? Reginald Rex?
"You have it."
Whatever, in all these "Jurassic" movies …
"And there's something else, this Jurassic stuff, that's not the time I lived in. I'm from the Cretaceous come to the film set and think, who are these guys? I've never met half of them before. "
We all love big guys. Even the "Godzilla" movies.
"Godzilla, do not talk to me about Godzilla, let me tell you a secret about Godzilla ̵
Well, Ty – I mean, Reginald – scientists say us, that dinosaurs are much more advanced than we thought before.
"We were pretty smart, you know, all but Stegosaurus, we used to say jokes about him, how many stegosaurs do you need to make a fossil?"
I give up.
"Three, one to die and two to lie down, ha, ha! He was a sweet guy, though, give the plates off his back."
And is it true what we are now think that some dinosaurs actually had feathers?
"That was my cousin, Eunice, who loved to wear a feather boa when she went out on Saturday night."
Yet you, dinosaurs, have not created a civilization like ours.
"The hell we do not have, we had everything you humans had, better bowling, talk shows, light rail, chili dogs, the work."
That's unbelievable. How come that we have never found fossil evidence for it?
"Like I said, we've done better, you humans, you've only been around for millennia, and you've glued the planet to your rubbish." We came together and said, look, we're going to become this planet for a hundred million Leading the years, let's not mess things up, so we've perfected recycling, made everything biodegradable, put our old furniture on the compost heap, and crumbled to dust in a few years, and none of those lousy plastic foam cheeseburger containers. "
That's hard to believe.
"I could show you a video, but our DVD players did not use the same format as yours."  One last question: We're still not sure why dinosaurs are extinct.
"You only think we are extinct We just left."
"The old neighborhood was not what it used to be, all these mammals are moving in and shedding hair all over the place, just like a time before you came up with little red-tongued babies and named us Latin names we in the suburbs. "
"You call it the planet Jupiter, it was a big honkin 'spaceship we had, Gee, I think I told you what the title of our next movie is."
What is ?
Gabriele is reachable via email at [email protected]