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I Have Lakes The Hot, Spurting Blood



Photo: Ron Jenkins (Getty)

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is talking to Jon Machota of The Athletic Tuesday at Cowboys Dak Prescott, wide receiver Amari Cooper, and holdout running back Ezekiel Elliott. Suffice to say, Jones is not real worried, for reasons that will be deeply unpleasant for anyone with a mild blood phobia.

Part of Jones's calm comes down to the condition and professionalism of the players themselves. Jones says there is no lapse in the quarterback's approach or "frame of mind" in training camp. As for Elliott, who still has not heard any practices, the feature is "in great shape" and can "hit the ground running". Those could be platitudes from an owner who knows his way around, except that Jones's confidence is so buoyed by his prior experiences with, well, gore-soaked horror:

This is a pseudo-violent act of self-injury.

It's not clear exactly what prompted Jones to choose a grisly metaphor for what else is a pretty straight forward point about salary cap math, but then again he has always been a real weirdo.


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