With Week 9, we are officially more than in the middle of the 2019 NFL season, which is currently the perfect time to distribute some mid-season prizes.
Ironically, I hate awards, and I'll hand out only one. This award goes to all the creative people who have turned their Antonio Brown jerseys into the indispensable Halloween costume of 2019: Antonio Clown.
If you have a clown make-up and an Antonio Brown jersey, you can be "Antonio Clown" for Halloween, and chances are you'll steal the show wherever you go.
I can not say if the guy's feet are frozen to death under his clown shoes, but he definitely gets bonus points when they are. Speaking of clowns, I promise not to fool around on my picks this week. Actually, we all know that's not true. There are likely to be at least three picks this week that make you think I was made into a clown, but I promise you, I did not, and to prove it, let's go to the picks.
Before coming to the tips, here's a quick reminder that you can read the weekly tips from any CBSSports.com NFL expert by clicking here, but you probably already knew that because I did it all the time mention. One more thing I keep mentioning is the fact that you now regularly find me on the Pick Six podcast, our daily NFL podcast here at CBSSports.com.
Will Brinson is the host, and for some reason he lets me visit him three days a week. My own family can not even hang around with me three days a week, so I'm not sure how Brinson does it.
Although I'm only on three days a week, there's a new episode every Monday through Friday, and you should try to listen as often as possible. In the episode of Tuesday we talked about the game Dolphins-Steelers and who at this point in the season has the best chances to win the individual divisions. We did not pick Halloween costumes for each other, which is a pity, because I definitely told Brinson to be Antonio Clown. (You can listen to the episode of Tuesday below and click here to retrieve and subscribe.)
By the way, if you're wondering what I'll be like for Halloween, I'll Probably going as Santa Claus, which I'm not going to do, wear a costume, but I'll give away White Claws for free to all the parents who show their children around. I feel that people will enjoy it. Let's get to the tips.
Selection in the 9th NFL Week
Houston (5-3) vs. Jacksonville (4-4) in London
9:30 ET (NFL Network)
Points distribution: Texans , – 1.5
Two years ago, I promised never to complain about the kick-off times at 9:30, but I have to break that promise because I'm going to a wedding this weekend, and honestly, I have none Idea how I'll wake up in time for the kickoff. I hate 9:30 am games and I hate them even more when they start at 8:30, just as they do for me in the central time zone. I've been to many weddings in my life and rarely wake up the next day at 8:30 in the morning.
If I want to see this game, I have three choices:
- Option 1: Skip the wedding that my wife would not be happy with in my opinion because it's her sister who is getting married.
- Option Two: Go to the wedding, but fall asleep at a reasonable time, though I think we can probably rule that out because in the history of weddings nobody has gone to bed at a reasonable time is time after a wedding.
- Option Three: Go to the wedding, use the free alcohol and then cross your fingers for me to wake up in time for this game starting at 8:30, because oh yes, I forgot to mention that this wedding takes place in the central time zone. And now that I've been thinking aloud about it, it's pretty clear that option three is the only viable option. Thank you for talking to me, folks.
Anyway, it's almost fitting that I mention free alcohol because my only rule in selecting games in London is always picking jaguars. The only time that this rule does not work is when half of the team decides to get drunk the night before the game, while running a $ 64,000 bar. That's exactly what happened last year.
This is one way to trigger an international incident.
The Jags have actually won three of their last four games in London, with their only loss after the debacle hit late last night. Jacksonville and Houston were actually playing against each other in Week 2, when the Texans were supposed to win because of his first career start. However, instead of winning big, the Texans won only 13-12, after the jags had failed in a two-point change in the last few seconds.
Since this game, Minshew has just gotten better and the Texas defense just got worse. Houston has not only lost several players as a result of injury, but also J.J. Watts is out for the year now too, after tearing his pec against the Raiders. I think I'm trying to say that Minshew Mania will be international this week. As everyone knows, the mustaches in London are big, so I can not compete against the Jaguars on Sunday.
And just to illustrate, I feel fine with this choice as long as the jaguars are not drunk on a $ 64,000 tab for the second year in a row.
The Choice: Jaguars 27-24 on Texans
NY Jets (1-6) in Miami (0-7)
13.00 ET (CBS)
Points Distribution: Jets, -5,5
The beauty of this game is that I do not know who plays for both teams on Sunday, as there is a 70 percent chance or both of these teams end up being half of their squad Exchange before the trading period ends at 4 pm ET on Tuesday. The two teams are clearly planning to do a lot, and I know that within three hours on Monday, we saw both the jets (Leonard Williams) and the dolphins (Kenyan Drake) trading away a player.
The problem with these trading transactions on Tuesday is that I submit my selection column on Monday night, meaning that I will not be able to consider other deals that both teams may complete. The good news for me, of course, is that neither of the two teams really seems to have an idea of what they're doing this season. So I'm sure they'll almost certainly lose if more jets or dolphins are exchanged this week. These trades and their team will deteriorate.
One person the jets will not swap is Sam Darnold, though he probably wishes the team would trade him for the month he had. If you need a quick refresher, Darnold has been through the past four weeks: he has injured his thumb, gotten a toenail, was diagnosed with Mono, had a paranormal experience (he saw ghosts). At this point I feel like Darnold probably just wants the season to end.
As far as the dolphins are concerned, I am not sure if this is technically a revenge game for them because they have dismissed Adam Gases, but I feel that everyone in the organization of the dolphins really, really wants him Week goes down. that's almost enough to get me the dolphins. The crazy thing about the dolphins is that they have defeated the jets in five of the last six games that these two teams played. This could also qualify as a revenge game for Ryan Fitzpatrick, who played for the jets in 2015 and 2016. If Fitzpatrick is good at one thing, he wins games when you least expect it and no one expects the dolphins to really make it a game this year.
Guys, I think I've just persuaded myself to pick a winning team to win a game. Please send help.
The Choice: Dolphins 20-16 Over Jets
Minnesota (6-2) in Kansas City (5-3)
13:00 ET (Fox)
Point Spread: NO LINE YET
I should probably start by saying that I have no idea if Patrick Mahomes will play this week. If someone's kneecap is not properly seated, it usually takes a few weeks for it to heal, but apparently Mahmoë's knee is not built like a normal human knee, which is why there is a chance that he is capable of doing so Week to play.
My knees are also unique, but only if the fact that they hurt all the time is considered unique. I should probably go to a doctor.
If Mahomes can not play on Sunday, it means the Chiefs will be back with Matt Moore, which is like switching from a Ferrari (Mahomes) to a small unicycle (Moore). Since I do not know who starts with the Chiefs, I can only give two tips this week: one if Mahomes plays and one if he does not play.
The twist here is that I do not really need to make two picks because I'll take the Vikings one way or the other. That's right, Andy Reid. I will not play your mind games. I do not care who you start quarterback with. I vote against your team, no matter what.
The strange thing about this game is that if I should look after any quarterback on the field, it's probably the one who plays for Minnesota. As you've probably heard in recent years, Kirk Cousins always seems to be losing when he plays against a team with a champion record and the Chiefs have a champion record (Cousins is 6-27 in of his career) against teams with a winner record).
The good news for the Vikings is that cousins do not even have to throw a pass to win. In the eighth week, the Vikings have the NFL's lead ridden in Dalvin Cook, averaging 160.1 yards per game on the ground, which is the third best number in the NFL this year. On the other hand, the Chiefs could not stop the run exactly. For eight weeks this season, the Chiefs give up on the ground 145.0 yards per game, which is only ahead of the Bengals and the Dolphins, which means the Chiefs are indeed in last place because the Bengals and Dolphins in this Year was so bad I'm not sure if anything they did should actually count for anything.
Before deciding here, I would like to note that Vikings-Chiefsand although I believe I had three White Talons with me when I did this Having made a choice I will stand by it. I think the Vikings win this game and then face each other again in the Super Bowl.
The election (when Mahomes plays): Vikings 30-27 over chiefs
The election (when Mahomes does not play): Vikings 30-20 over chiefs
New England ( 8-0) in Baltimore (5-2)
20:20 ET (NBC)
Point Spread: Patriots, -3.5
Although the Browns were a huge disaster this year They actually did something interesting over the weekend: Cleveland might have developed a blueprint for a game plan that could possibly beat the Patriots. At week 8, the Browns decided they wanted to hit the ball in New England's throat, and their plan actually worked out when Cleveland ran 159 yards with 22 runs, an insane average of 7.2 yards per carry. If the Browns were not the Browns, they would have been able to trigger the rage, but of course they are the Browns, which is why they did not win. The Browns literally reversed the ball in three consecutive games against the Patriots, including Baker Mayfield somehow intercepting a scoop.
In addition to sales, the Browns were also hurt by the fact that Freddie Kitchens on the sideline seems to be slightly above his head.
Anyway, I'm trying to say here that you can defeat the patriots if you go up against the patriots. In the last four street games in which they have dropped at least 150 yards, the Patriots went 4-0, and all four of these games took place last season. You can bet John Harbaugh knows, and you can bet that Harbaugh plans to play the ball 90 times on Sunday.
The X-factor in this game will definitely be Lamar Jackson. Although Bill Belichick and the Patriots score 24 consecutive wins for quarterbacks under 24 – they are basically dominating young quarterbacks – their last defeat in 2012 came against another running quarterback (Colin Kaepernick). You bet, John Harbaugh knows that, too. The Ravens will also come to this game after parting, which means that Harbaugh had two weeks to develop a game plan to defeat the Patriots. For most coaches, two years would probably not even be enough, because Belichick is so much better than anyone else, but Harbaugh has indeed achieved some success against the Patriots coach.
What does all this mean? For the first time this season, I'm playing against the Patriots. The good news here is that I'm too hungover to read all the hate tweets that Patriot fans will inevitably send me if I'm wrong about this.
The election: Ravens 23-20 against Patriots
Lock of the Week (or is it the surprise of the week?)
San Francisco (7-0) in Arizona (3 -4 -1)
Thursday, 20:20 ET (Fox, NFL Network, Amazon Prime)
Point distribution: 49er, -9.5
People, I will not lie if there is one There's the crew in the NFL I've absolutely lied This year it's the San Francisco 49er, and the reason I know I sucked is that their fans inform me every week. For eight weeks I have only picked 2-5 games for 49er, which is pretty ugly, considering that I have 77-36-1 selected all other games. I've been thinking of listing all the 49ers games I've picked wrong so far this year, but that one guy on Twitter did it for me, so let's just use his list.
This guy even called me a clown. Maybe I should be Antonio Clown for Halloween.
I'll be honest, the only option I regret on this list is to take the Browns. In Week 1, I chose the 49ers to lose, as the opening week is usually a throw. So I went to the home team (Tampa Bay) and the joke hit me because Jameis Winston threw two pick-sixes. In week 2, I chose them to lose because the Bengals looked better in Week 1 than the 49ers did. In week 6, I selected them to lose to the Rams because the 49ers had not played well and I was not sure if they were real.
In week 8, I picked her to lose to the Panthers because I'm still bitter that a studio apartment in San Francisco costs about $ 30,000 a year, and I decided that against to claim the 49er. I mean, if you do not make your selections by punishing teams for playing in a high-cost city, then you're not doing it right.
Am I finally sold on the 49ers? Well, it was me until I saw that it was not BRUCE IRVIN.
If Irvin thinks they're okay, then they're fine.
Who should I choose this week?
Well, the Cardinals won EIGHT straight games against the 49ers, and I just can not decide against that. Actually, I'm just kidding, I just wanted the 49er fans to think I would play against their team again. The fact is that the 49ers defense will devour Kyler Murray and the Cardinals will be lucky enough to score two touchdowns.
Not only do I pick the 49ers to win this week, but I do not think I'll ever fight them again as long as they remain undefeated. In fact, I've decided that the section "Lock of the week" in "Why I'm not picking the 49er this week" will be renamed, and every week I'll explain why I'm not going to go against the 49ers.
There are two possibilities in this experiment: Either I get all my 49er picks right because they keep winning, or I hex them and they lose, which basically means there's no downside to me.
The election: 49ers 27-13 against Cardinals
Record in the week: 7-1 Straight Up, 3-5 against the Spread
NFL Week 9: All of the Rest
Bills 24-17 via Redskins
Bears 19-16 Over Eagles
Colts 20-17 Over Steelers
Panthers 22-19 Over Titans
Raiders 30-23 Over Lions
Seahawks Browns 20-13 over Buccaneers
Packers 27-20 over Chargers
Cowboys 34-24 over Giants
BYES: Falcons, Bengals, Rams, Saints
Best Choice: Last week I predicted that the Bears
Nagy should have fired himself after the defeat or had to suspend himself at least for a week because of his bad coach in the last minute. The bears actually put the ball on the chargers' 21-yard line, leaving 43 seconds to play in the game while they took a break. Given their history of kickers, it would have been thought that the bears would be as close as possible to Eddy Piniero's attempt to score a field goal. Instead, Nagy Mitchell let Trubisky kneel the ball, prompting Piniero to miss the ball field goal.
If you wonder how the fans in Chicago experienced the loss, then this guy's dad wants Trubisky to go bankrupt and Nagy fires.
I'm starting to think that maybe this guy's father should be the general manager for the bears.
The Worst Choice: So folks, it turns out the 49s might actually be good. Last week, I picked the Panthers to defeat them, and Carolina not only lost but also 38 points, making the loss the biggest loss in the NFL this year in a game the Dolphins were not involved in , I mean, just think about it: the 49ers made the panthers look like the dolphins, and I'm not even sure I'm talking about the football team or the real dolphins. The panthers were so bad.
I've made many bad decisions in my life, and choosing the Panthers to win is definitely among the top five: it's ahead of the time I ate Falafels for a whole year, but behind the time I tried to write a children's book about a bear that eats people. Apparently children are just not ready for a carnivorous bear.
If you've ever wondered if I really know what I'm doing with these tips, then the best and worst individual team tips will appear in week 9 (all listed records are direct).
Teams I Pick This Year 8: 0: Patriots, Dolphins (7: 0)
Teams I Pick 7: 1 This Year: Falcons, Redskins, Vikings, Packers, Jets (6-1), Lions (5-1-1).
Team I'm picking between 2 and 5 this year: Buccaneers, 49ers.
Every other crew is somewhere in between.
Especially in Week 8: 12-3
Overall VE: 79-41-1
Against Distribution in Week 8: 10- 5
ATS in total: 59-61-1
You can find John Breech on Facebook or Twitter and if he does not do any Under these circumstances, he's likely to be doing seven new ones To buy alarm clocks so he can make sure he wakes up early enough to watch Sunday's game in London.