People cheer as Iowa voting results arrive at the election night event of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump at New York's Hilton Midtown on November 8, 2016 in New York. Photo by Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images
For those of you who need to be reminded: Smirnoff Ice is a bottled malt beverage. It's sticky-sweet, looks like somber winter sludge, and tastes like something a pharmaceutical company could make to hide a chemical taste. It also makes you drunk. But the primary popularity of Smirnoff Ice does not seem to come from drinking the vile stuff, but instead forcing others to downed it, often on one knee while basking in their misery.
That, dear reader, means "icing". And while it's a game mainly played by drunken male boys wriggling through business underlings, it turns out that icing is also popular elsewhere: in some corners of the White House of Trump.
According to a recent report by Washington Post Office the Presidential Personnel Office (PPO) ̵
The section in question begins as follows:
PPO leaders spent happy hours in their offices last year, containing beer, wine, and snacks for dozens of PPO workers and the White House, including Liaisons, who work in federal agencies, White House officials confirmed.
So far, pretty normal. Many jobs have workdays and happy hours and whatever, right? But then comes this special treat:
In January they played a drinking game in the office "Icing" to celebrate the 30th birthday of the Deputy Director. The icing involves hiding a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, an aromatized malt beverage, and demanding that the person who discovers it, in this case the deputy director, devour it.
The White House confirmed that PPO officials have played the icing game, but it said and the Happy Hours are not unique to the PPO and a way to network and let off steam.
Let's take a break here and unpack what this scene might have looked like, shall we?
It begins with the deputy director, the birthday boy, stumbling over a cloudy white Smirnoff Ice bottle in a cupboard or desk drawer or something. He then laughs and knows what he has to do, and the other PPO employees flock around him and fill the narrow kitchen while he takes a knee. His Adam's apple throws down the citrus malt and swallows the gulp as the crowd of his employees gathers around him – all desperate to see her boss on his knees, with the bottle in his mouth and the fingerholes of liquid with each successive sip. The room is almost humming, and the crowd rolls in unison until the ice has disappeared, and the birthday boy, no, man, finally gets up again. The whole room sighs, and nobody realizes that they have collectively held their breath until then, and …
OK, maybe we'll beautify things here a bit, but still. The guy was iced up. An adult man working in the Trump administration. This is one thing that happens to everyone.
But wait! You are too vape!
Even as demands to fill the government rose, the PPO offices on the first floor of the Eisenhower Executive Office building became a social hub, where young employees from all over the administration came by to hang out and smoke on sofas electronic cigarettes, known as vaping, current and former representatives of the White House.
And then, between the icing and the smoking of electronic cigarettes known as vapors, they come to choose the people who will lead our country.
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