LOVE AMY: My girlfriend and I have been together for seven years. She's 58 and I'm 52.
I've always liked her, but then she decided she wanted to lose a few pounds.
I was fine at first, but her weight loss did not stop at a few pounds. Now she does not look healthy.
Her kids agreed that she does not look good, and now she says she's trying to regain some weight, but nothing works.
Is it possible that you can lose weight and are unable to recover it?
LOVE CONFUSED: Your friend should see her doctor.
Maybe she has something to eat disorder, a thyroid disorder, or some other underlying health problem that affects her ability to maintain a healthy weight. Or she is perfectly healthy, but not as hard as you want. (If this is the case, you must find a way to accept this change.)
Please encourage them to undergo a medical examination ̵
DEAR AMY: My best friend, "Betsy," recently gave my adult son a used violin. Betsy opened the bow and made other repairs before giving it to him.
The violin was used by her children at a young age (they too are now adults).
My friend recognizes the musical abilities of my son. and she wanted to promote that. He is self-taught and plays piano, guitar and drums. He also suffers from serious health problems. He's in constant pain, and music is a way for him to forget that.
It was such a friendly, loving and generous thing for Betsy!
Here's the problem: When her son and daughter found out they were very upset that she had given away the violin without asking her first.
You want her to get her back. She asked me to contact my son.
I told him and he was very hurt that she would ask for it back. I leave it at that.
Betsy is now planning to ask my son right after his return. I do not know who is right or wrong.
To complicate matters, our sons are friends. We have known each other for 20 years!
I'm stuck in the middle.
Stuck in the middle.
DEAR STUCK: Unless it is an invaluable family heirloom. When adult children leave home and leave behind their musical instruments (sports equipment, etc.), their loved ones have the right to do what they want with these possessions, unless the parents have made a special retention agreement.  Relying on your mother to hold your broken violin indefinitely, just in case you want to reclaim her, is not an assumption that adults living outside the home need to do.
This is my (unsolicited) advice for "Betsy": When your adult children complained about your decision to repair and give away this violin, you could have said, "Children, you never made me believe that you want to have this instrument, and that's why I've recycled it by giving it to someone who cares who uses it. If you fall asleep, you lose. (The same goes for those boxed lacrosse sticks in the garage, by the way.)
Betsy seems to believe the problem can be solved by taking back this violin – but that will not happen. If she believes she has made a mistake, she must own him – and apologize to her children (but not give in). She should not ask her son to return this gift.
If she's determined to get it back, she'll have to face the awkwardness and embarrassment of her son.
They are not actually stuck in the middle and I suggest you leave it that way.
DEAR AMY: I've been a professional dog trainer for 12 years I'd like to alert you to the use of the word "alpha" when giving people advice on dog training.
In your answer to "Doggone It," you have wisely chosen to hire a specialist to teach the dog to sleep. As a dog bed on the floor and not in the bed of humans, you also made a statement about leadership in alpha. Style.
Positive reinforcement and relationship-based coaches and behaviorists are everywhere fighting against the alpha approach of using dominance. Punishment and aversive techniques for training dogs 659007] Heidi, in Colorado
DEAR HEIDI: Thank you for this correction.
You can email Amy Dickinson to [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.